MEN are from PENIS, WOMEN are from VAGINA - Views on Fatherhood and Families (part 1)

Postcript (27/3) - advice for all bloggers. Writing a blog is not like writing a Book or even painting a picture (you don't wait till publication/showing to see a response). Before i move onto the next blog i need to make a clarification:

There is a fundamental difference between not wanting children (generally) and having an unwanted child (specific).

For the record - i have never had an unwanted child (Ashleigh) or even unwanted other children (Georgia/Paul). But can i still seriously contemplate another life (and all of their little complications/challenges/joys) without them - definitely.

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the original blog

Now before all the women who might read this get up in arms remember this is a man’s perspective. I can’t tell yours – thank god. Don’t shout at me if you don’t like it - tell your own story.

Ok - here is the wisdom of a man who wanted no children, had a vasectomy too late to save himself from contributing to the formation of his own child and ended up in a relationship with children involved (take it or leave it).

How do you ever know whether you should be a father or be a family man?

Part 1 is obviously much more challenging than part 2 (in theory at least) but then you know as the book says according to my translation - MEN are from PENIS, WOMEN are from VAGINA. At least that’s my view.

I love women, actually really love women. I love kids. However, frankly I knew from a young age that I did not want to have children (kids/kids friends are squirming again) but they have heard this before so it should not be a shock to them.

So how is it that I end up in a family with one of my own (Ashleigh) and two I inherited (Georgia and Paul)? My ANSWER – Man are from PENIS (and generally in a Pooh sense ”of little brain”).

Would I change things if I could – honestly – yes.

I love my kids and my family and I would never send them back but (and it is a huge but) would I live my life differently if I had my chance all over again – YES. Call me selfish, call me stupid but call me dishonest – I don’t think so.

Now that’s said lets talk about Fatherhood and Families.

As you are aware (if you are following the story) I had a very close encounter with fatherhood on the very first instance my P…. got anywhere near a V….. Did that shape my views – I don’t know, frankly I don’t think so.

My daughter was born in 1990 a number of years after Karen and I married. Karen and I had already talked about my views on children (at least that’s my recollection) and I had already canvassed the vasectomy issue with my Doctor but he ruled it out on the basis that no doctor would vasectomise a healthy man (at 21 or 22). The reason for this was that we (mere men) are not smart/mature enough to make this call at such a young age. Apparently, I would have needed to see a Shrink - perhaps I should have – to get this procedure even contemplated.

So time passes and the biological clock ticks and then the biological time-bomb goes off (every man needs to be aware that this is going to happen in any relationship – the clock always ticks and the bomb ALWAYS goes off). The issue here is whether you are the one standing there with you Dick in your hand (if you are around you are likely to be – remember you have a little brain) when it does.

[not part of my story but interesting all the same in this context - it seems that some men are actually not the ones who do the fathering when this happens (read the news if you don’t believe me) but they are the Family man who ends up “providing” for the children often unwittingly for ever – Double Jeopardy I call that]

Well boys and girls – the bomb went off (in our case probably in the Xmas/New Year period) – holiday times are always especially dangerous. More booze + More time = better sex (always).

Nine months (29 August) later a beautiful girl enters the world (at ~11.00am – aren’t Caesareans beautiful – but this was required medically).

The entre to Fatherhood starts much earlier than this though – and it will last forever.

Remember idiot (of two heads and only a small brain between them) you started this. So how does it work – really.

First three months – you and your penis spend a lot of time alone together – morning sickness is usually a very serious challenge to love making

Second three months – your love life may actually pick up. Pregnant women are truly beautiful and often sexy and sexual during this time

Third three months – you’ll be lucky. But you will get to be close to the mother and developing baby at parenting classes. If you didn’t know when you start you will know at the end how to breathe.

PS – if a caesarean is likely, breathing is generally a complete waste of time. If you faint they give you oxygen anyways.

So how do babies actually come into the world and how do you become a real father and a family man? There is no definitive answer but here is mine:

First, you go massively into debt – you buy a bigger car and a baby car seat, a new pram, you decorate your whole house (hope you can paint), you buy lots of toys, clothes etc.

Second, you go to hospital – now this is generally a challenge. At least it was for me. Picture this. Ashleigh is going to be delivered at a prescribed time (Doctor had a golf game later I am sure). So Karen and I arrive at hospital do the check-in thing and then a nurse whips her away to prepare her for the birth. Poor old dad (he of little brain) is also whipped away and given a scrub gown (hope you all look good in green) and left alone in a windowless room with only his thoughts and a “visitor book” (I kid you not). This book has the last minute musings of expectant fathers (god I would love to publish that book). It was like some “life row” novel of boys/men whose lives were about to change forever in an hour/minute, along with that of their wife/partner. For the record – I was scared for Karen, for myself and I cried from loneliness and fear. This is one of the few times this has happened as a man but the other times will be revealed in the story.

Third, the real fun starts. You are actually going to become a dad (sucker). Again our story goes like this. Some very capable doctors (lady surgeons) are to perform the operation. I get collected from my private (life row cell) and taken to the theatre. On entry you are blinded by the light. Theatres are generally very light/bright places – all very surgical really and they have a funny smell. This theatre is actually jam packed with people – my sense was two teams – the green team and the red team (about six of each) all in gowns with gloves and face masks (quite eerie really). Now Karen is laying on a bed all ready to go. I get to stand behind her head looking down towards her tummy which is painted brown and there is a screen of sorts halfway down her tummy.

Surgeon almost says ready steady go and makes first cut. This is truly an amazing procedure – at least if you are the bloke involved. Say five minutes later a baby is born. Don’t let anyone tell you different all babies are ugly at birth. Babies are born yukky. However, C-section babies are prettier as they are generally not “squashed” through a small opening for X hours. The two team work closely together and once baby is breathing she is presented to mother to hold (ah). Lots of Photos are taken.

Fourth, you spend a bit of time learning the basics – about 4-7 days - then you get to take the baby home (scary stuff). Boys – how many of you know how to fix/nuture your cars? Well being a dad is a lot like being a car owner.

Fifth - you become a FAMILY MAN

This will be the subject of Part 2 and further parts.

sporting achievements (and not)

This boy achieved much, but possible not as much as was really possible. Anyone who really looked would see consistently good performance for a long period of time by a one-eyed man. Couldn’t play racquet sports for nuts (ball always came from left – not the good side) and same applies to cricket (which by the way is a complete waste of time – personal view only). However, other athletic activities were something I could do (generally pretty well). Never focused enough on one thing to be great, but generally good.

Soccer was my sport. I played State as a junior as you already know and I played state as a senior, not sure how many games but I traveled in Asia with State and played several tournaments in Thailand (king’s cup) as well as other tours including one where we beat the Indonesian National Team.

Essentially I played soccer competitively from when I was 9 (say 1969) till my daughter Ashleigh was born in 1990. Got to travel, made some good friends and a huge number of acquaintances (not an easy word to spell). Visited some interesting/exotic places and had many laughs. During my career I also became a pretty good coach and taught quite a few kids as well as other coaches about the game.

In early 1991, when my daughter was only young, I gave up all associations with the game. Do I regret it – no, do I miss it – no. do I still love the game – yes.

So here are some vignettes of my life as “more than an average sportsman”.

Personal Injuries – few if any (however, some imparted on others)

I was lucky with injuries in my whole career – I only cracked an ankle bone, broke some ribs and suffered some relatively minor muscle tears. I also suffered some back problems after the infamous flying car incident. I have a fairly high pain threshold it seems

With the cracked ankle I played off the bench the week I cracked my ankle (with plenty of physio, strapping and some pain killers). Seems a bit ridiculous in retrospect but I wanted to and the doctor couldn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t.

With the broken ribs I trained after one week of breaking ribs and played after 2 (had to put a guard on the rib but it was ok). Greek boys in the team took 4-5 weeks off with runny nose (no bottle/heart really). Funny bit (for those that know me) is that I generally sneeze a lot – didn’t sneeze at all for about 4 wks (unheard of before or since).

Otherwise escaped my career with no knee, ankle, back or other problems – blessed it seems

Injuries to others – sometimes made for a laugh (you know sick humour)

As a junior I traveled to Tasmania, played on Derwent River, underneath that famous bridge (can’t remember its name it’s that famous) the ship crashed into.

Weather was shocking ~5 degrees and pitch was wet, wind was howling. Two incidents in the same game – make u laugh if they didn’t happen to you. Remember we are all under 16 boys/men. First incident, team mate gets hit in nuts with a ball from about a metre away with a ball – immediately unconscious/fainted. [For girls reading this it is like getting hit in T or B]. Trainer runs out (B McShane) and proffers the magic sponge. I reckon it had icicles on it. Boy on ground has his nuts turned instantly to blue icecubes (wasn’t funny really but we all laughed later).

Same game – separate incident – our winger (guy who hides a lot on edge of field while everyone else runs around madly trying to get ball and pass it to him) gets tripped about 12 metres from goal, slides and crashes head first into goal post – result splits two front top teeth into a v. Again not funny really (in retrospect) but he did look funny for a few weeks. Same idiot went to scale a turnstile at the Hobart airport and crashed face first onto the ground (clumsy I say) – as it turns out he never made it as a senior player.

Asian Tours (more than 1 trip)

Now boys grow into men (at least some of them do). So later in life this boy travels SE Asia with a team. We visit Sabah – play games in Kota Kinabulu and Sandakan (one scary plane flight), travel to Manila (great trip – if u remember) and then Kuala Lumpur. Couple of funny stories:

#1 (close your eyes kids if u r squeamish) – boys will be filthy bastards given a chance.

Played in Kota Kinabalu. Monsoonal rain (but ~15k people at game – no room to move outside of pitch). We won, but it was more like water polo than soccer as you could not kick ball on ground. After game finishes we go back to hotel for shower/bath. Everyone is sharing rooms (and hence bathrooms). First step, u need to run shower/bath – first bloke stands in Bathtub and turns shower on – next minute (and I kid u not) a “lizard” runs out of the plug hole, up his leg and body and ends up on the top of his head – it was only smallish (say 6”) but it scared the shit out of him and everyone else watching including me. Next laugh - two blokes (nameless to protect them) get into bath together (one has full kit on shorts, boots, jersey and other gets down to jocks) – didn’t u know soccer players bathe 2gther. Two others wait for their turn (I’m one). Next thing the Bill Murray – Chockito log floats to top (er gross). Clears the bath instantly – new water required.

#2 – Big Dick

We had a big guy traveling with us (big Dick – not what u r thinking). Looked after the teams kit. In Manila (remember this is the 52nd US state) everything goes the “wrong” way for us Aussie blokes, they also have kerbs to deal with Monsoonal downpours (at least 18” high). Big dick looks wrong way and mis-judges kerb and crashes to ground in front of traffic (again not funny unless u were there) and promptly bounces up like the Shell Doll (u know the 1 with weights in the bottom which just keeps popping up). Notwithstanding his bungy jumping off kerbs (without a rope) big dick was a great hit with women (I couldn’t work it out but perhaps I was blind/stupid or both).

#3 – Gosh Idiot

One of the “boys” on the tour got the “razor’ treatment on the last night in KL. All of the duty free that was left was on offer. Most pissed (there are some photos floating around to prove this somewhere). Boy gets held down and “shaved”. Disposable razor – with cover on was used – so not a hair was actually missing. On release “boy” jumps up (still pissed and now angry) and sweeps all grog off of desk. Ends up cutting hands. Proceeds to run down 3 floors in fire escape with hand on wall – easy to find (idiot). Brought back to room – non-drinking doctor sews the idiot up without anaesthetic (stewed anyways) and he goes to bed. Again funny if it wasn’t your pewbs or finger getting stitched.

Another trip - Thailand – Coach get Jab 2 remember

On a different trip (Kings Cup) Aussie Boys and men including a coach visit the notorious Pat Pong (Girly Bar District) for some beers (yeh).

Spent night as group in one bar and they ran a tab – big mistake. End of night there is dispute about the tab. Big tough Aussies walk out of bar en-masse after dropping what we thought (given most were pissed) a fair bar tab.

Main street has military guard post on each end (bit like a mall). Little Thai bar manager runs up to post on the end we were heading to. Military looking dude does the Mel Brooks thing (horses in desert going through toll gates) and stops group. He is small and massively outnumbered (but obviously not deterred). Manager gets into debate with “military man” and ‘acts” the bombastic westerner. Crowd is growing. All of us are starting to stand back – these suckers are actually armed – and watch.

Heavy artillery appear from crowd (some plain clothes dudes). Manager gives them the I’m right, your wrong treatment and the next thing he gets the electric cattle prod in the arse treatment (at least he did not get shot) and it basically froze him in place.

Next scene is two other plain clothes dudes loading him into back of “police van”. Funny – yeh but only if it wasn’t your butt. Took 5 minutes and some more cash to make problem go away (besides we had game next day) but I was told it took longer for the pain in the butt to subside.

Cars in your life – know your man/women through them

You know you can tell a lot about the guy/girl you are with by the transport they have:

No car – can’t drive, poor, may be an alcoholic

Small car – poor, maybe miser, short or driving someone else’s car

Family car – already have a family (the child seat in back is usually a dead give away) or still living at home and borrowing

Sports car – little willy, but compensating. Not sure if you r a girl

Bus – see no car

Truck – I don’t know

Motor bike – watch out, your parents won’t like them. If it is a women possible a “bitch on a bike”

Moped – how do I know you are gay or perhaps ethnic

One thing to watch out for though is a guy/girl in Company Car clothing (as they can be hiding their true personality - you may really be with a moped kind of person).

So here’s my list:

Triumph Herald (small car) – this car was a classic. Had the old lift to the front kind of bonnet (most of you are too young to ever have seen one). Hand me down from mum/dad. Reliable little car but would have been classed as gay. Served me well for a number of years and was cleaned up (by the spewees) on more than one occasion. Don’t recall ever getting laid in it though so it clearly had no pulling power.

Ford Cortina (4 Door) – saved my life. This car was actually 2 cars welded together by my dad (thank you). It was the car that left the road to become a plane/submarine. It is perhaps only because it was so strong in the mid section that I managed to walk away. Again this car had no pulling power as far as I can remember.

Ford V8 Falcon (302) – now you say how can someone who crashes a slow car graduate to an even faster car. Not sure, but I needed to get laid. All – let me tell you it works. For some reason girls seem to like fast cars, plus there is more room to get your leg over or to go elsewhere (like down south). This car managed to get me laid on a first date and it took me to distant regions to get laid on a number of occasions. It had the misfortune of having a back wheel wind out of the transmission one day coming down high road and the car gently sitting on the road. Lucky part was the day before it had come home from the regions at over 100mph for most of the way.

Toyota Corolla and then Toyota Corona – moving into family territory I think. Corolla was a good little car. Corona shit itself at 90k. Everything failed including the marriage. The Corolla had a story. We sold it to a car yard, but we had to take it home while they got our next car ready. I drive it down our street (past some kids at the top), park and open the door. Kid about 13 rides straight into it and bends door nearly in half. He is sitting on ground dazed and i am thinking OMG what do i do now i dont own this car (no thought for the little F... on the floor at least at the time). Ever since that day i always check for bikes and as a rider i am constantly looking out for the door. As it turns out he was ok, even if his bike was a little bent - serves him right i say for chasing parked cars.

Nissan NXR (sports car - not sure if the little willy thing fits but only others can truly tell) – yes it was my “redundancy” gift to myself. Worked ok when there was just Ash and I but this is not a family car. So it had to go less than 12 months later when the family re-grew from 2-4 and sometimes 5 (when Paul came to visit). I am not sure if it had pulling power as I never tested it, but it is highly likely it did.

Nissan Pulsar hatch – yep u guessed it family car – wouldn’t have pulled in a fit

Nissan Pathfinder (company car) – fun while it lasted – might have pulled a country girl

Mitsubishi Magna (company car) – I liked it. Seems I am well past pulling

Holden Berlina (company car) – had a supercharger but it never got out of 3rd gear. Just made me feel better

Holden SV6 (current company car) – nice car

Hyundai Getz (second car) – currently used by Paul (see no car and small car).

I currently getting around on a racingbike (which is worth more than my first 2 cars - together) so i am not sure what that says about me - but here's a stab. Fat guy (not really), Alcoholic (possibly but who isnt really), environmentalist (depends on the bike - not really in this case), poor (generally applies if a student)

Life of Jeff – Birthdays (no cause for celebration)

Everyone has them right, most have them every year but there are some among us who only get one every four and some would claim to have had none worthy of note.

Can you remember your birthdays? Generally I cant but a couple stick in my mind.

Up to 21 is all a blur, but my 21st was memorable because of a couple of things. Firstly, remember I was playing soccer. Well in the year I was 21 (and after all the invites have been sent out) everyone finds out that the Goalkeeper has been having it off with the Centre Half’s wife. Split the party right down the middle. Seems the goalkeeper was actually good at catching after all.

The other reason is family and family friends and reciprocal rights – you know the story. Your parents were invited to some distant (you never met the person) relative’s bar mitzvah or something to that effect and you have to reciprocate on your 21st (18th, wedding – more on this later - or whatever) by having them at “your” party.

So why was my 21st memorable. Friends, Family, Strangers all at home getting pissed and eating your party pies. One family friend, not really a "stranger" decides it would be funny to get his penis and balls out. Yeh (not). This guy was a serial flasher - how do i know he did the same thing to an 80 year old granny at her birthday while dancing with her eew - a Melism. So kids if you don’t want me to do this at your 21st you better be good – I got friends in low places. Other reasons – we had a keg which was in the Laundry (Kegs seem to have gone out of fashion a bit like bell bottom and lace up - in the front jeans (what you mean u never seen them) and those shoes that made you 3” taller) and for some reason it got moved. Split the top hose and we lose half a keg all over the Laundry. Had every drunk in the neighborhood on the front garden for a month (kidding). But we did have to hose the damn place out to get the stuff of the ceiling and walls. Don’t remember getting laid so it probably didn’t happen.

30 – don’t really remember

40 – now that’s a different story. Small gathering down south (Dunsborough) at a house owned by some wonderful friends. We catered for it ourselves (dinner party style) and we had plenty to drink – too much some would say. A number of people were sick (always sign of a well catered for party I say). There was some dressing up and dressing down (another good sign) – I think there is even a picture of me somewhere in a bra with a rose in my mouth (cross dresser not) but there must have been a girl without a bra somewhere me thinks. Too drunk to get laid either that night or in the morning as i remember.

Another things that were memorable about this party was the after party – u know the drive home bit. Get up earylish (before 9) and have a 3 ½ hour drive home. Help clean up and then leave. Get in the passenger seat and go back to sleep (still pissed). Get to Nan and Pops – one hour up road – get out of car go to toilet, spew, and lay down. Wake up an hour later, get in car and drive home. Get home, spew and go to bed. Must have had more to drink than I thought or the food was off.

50 – not yet but if we make it we might come back and fill in the blanks.

Adulthood – Rights of Passage – Relationships

Serial Monagamist (nearly) would be an apt description – but many would say a series (like stadium full) of missed opportunities. As someone who likes the physicality of sexual relationships (I personally would agree). You can just see the kids start to cringe now (again).

How do I know I missed out – I can still remember/count all of my (non-self) sexual encounters. Fathom that. I can remember all of my encounters between 15 – 45 (now 47). How many of you can still remember every single sexual encounter you had with another person (in my case all women).

Are there any surprises here – probably – either in the age difference, circumstance or nature of act itself (this is not going to be described).

So here is the list (their approx age) and (my approx age):

• Alysson R (~17) at (17) – multiple (<10>
• Carmel C (~35) at (18-19) – two or three times
• Anita ? (~19) at (18-19ish) – one night stand
• Tammy (~24-25) at (19ish) – worked together - once/twice (got crabs – u know baygon works on these suckers but it is not recommended medically)
• Girl from Alaska (on a sporting trip – met in Manila – 3 days basically in bed) – can’t remember
• Kathy S (early 20s) at (early 20s) – but only for 5-6 months. Lived ~700km apart – love making rare event but “hot” (my view)
• Karen (wife and mother of Ash) married at 25 but together before that
• Sue (long term partner and mother of Georgia and Paul) – together at 34’ish and ever since.

Have I lied/forgotten – not that I can remember? Did I ever “cheat”? Only once, but not in marriage/long-term relationship – only on transition from one partner to another.

Is there a theme here – definitely – most met at work where it was possible to establish a relationship/friendship before a sexual relationship. Also, there is a theme of pursuit here (of me) – god only knows why. There is also possibly, from some perspectives, a theme of missed opportunities (sad but true).

So each encounter/relationship has a beautiful story (and each could have been a sliding door). So here is a précis of each relationship:

• Alysson R – told before. First, beautiful, (scared), doomed to fail.
• Carmel C – met at work, she was married with husband and kids, older/beautiful, thoughtful, poetic (still have book). While our sexual relationship was limited our friendship relationship was much longer. Most scared I have ever been in my life – bit like a car crash (awake but unsure – crossing the 10m from the lounge to the bed at 3.00am in morning almost the hardest act in my life). Boy meets woman. Hot/charged and oh too short, but every boys dreams. Am I proud – yes/no.
  
  Carmel was an interesting story for another reason – we worked together in an institution for the mentally disabled. I was a Clerk in the Mental Health Dept posted to this particular hostel to relieve someone (not initially Carmel I suspect) – she was working in the Hostel’s Admin Group. As an aside, the nurses in this place took great joy in ‘parking” one of the patients who was severely physically and mentally impaired but nonetheless in love with me (a naïve young boy) in front of my office every day for the whole time I was there.
• Anita – met at night club. Sex in car. Everyone does it sooner or later – get over it – I did.
• Tammy – met at work. Had a Mini Moke (and crabs). I threw up in her mother’s kitchen sink before sex one night after watching one of those wall calendar tea towels revolve around (soo bad). Really immemorable – hopefully for everyone concerned.
• Girl from Alaska –very attractive (my eyes) as she was a Caucasian in a sea of Asian Girls. All of the other guys on this soccer tour (married or not) were playing around with Asian Girls but I couldn’t and still can’t see the attraction = personal preferences. I did multiple trips to Asia with sporting teams and closest I came to a physical relationship on any trip was falling asleep in a park in Bangkok (with a really very beautiful Thai girl – receptionist in the hotel) during a King’s Cup Tournament we played in (fatigued from games, ill and uninterested?). So, back to the Girl from Alaska – met in a hotel pool - spent 3 days together in a bedroom and did not eat much – at least food. Enough said. She was lovely (thank you)
• Kathy S – work colleague and lovely. Lived in the bush. Pursued me. Much wiser than I, I think. Got off to inauspicious start. Parents lived in Perth – she was visiting. Picked her up (V8 Falcon – yes I know) and went to Perth for dinner. Had dinner – boy has no money as wallet is in car several kms away (idiot). Fortunately, Kathy has money and good sense of humour. Do girls make love/have sex on first date (Definitely). Remember one really hot night (in Bunbury of all places). Again a soccer trip – beach front and lambs wool covers involved.
• Karen – work colleague. Relationship developed from working together. Beautiful (mother of Ashleigh). Lived together for number of years both unmarried/married.
• Sue – work colleague. We had a friendship, but no we did not have relationship before separation. However, Sue pursued me though when the opportunity arose. We have been lovers ever since (kids are cringing again).

Summary – generally had friendships with partners before sexual relationships and for those that really matter have managed to maintain these friendships.

Missed Opportunities – Many – was actually really poor at getting into the pants of women (need counseling/advice).

Regrets – Few, if any, except it would have been nice to have been "laid" more and perhaps to have had more variety. But, hey, who knows - there is no right number or type of experiences.

Adulthood start of the journey – not just about age (thus some never really make it)

Is there a definitive marker for adulthood? I don’t think so. Some people never really make it. Did I make it? Some might say I was hardly a child/youth, others may still say I haven’t become a real adult.

My view is that I made it early and it had nothing to do with the car incident. I was always a responsible kid – perhaps too responsible (some gains and perhaps many losses) and I became an adult early. This is not a valuation really. More like a statement of do you transition from pupae to butterfly (or moth).

What’s my justification?

I had a habit for collecting the waifs and strays through my youth because I was sober enough (in control enough) to see who needed help. Often these strays ended up in my parent’s room in middle of night (missed the turn) and many threw up either in my car or my room/house. I was often the counselor/mediator rather than the counseled or mediated.

I still find I do this in a range of settings and “look after” those who might need help/support. I don’t ever remember being in a state in my whole life where I was not aware enough to be able to help myself (and others) in any situation (sad hey).

Yeh I have been drunk (but never stoned/drugged) but I knew it and I put myself to bed sometimes after taking remedial action on the way. I even did this on the night I fell asleep standing up in the toilet and woke up hugging the bowl with a graze mark on my forehead from colliding with the wall on the way down – go on you can all laugh it was funny really.

Have I always been a good adult – definitely not – but who is/needs to be?

So what does this kid’s transition to adulthood look like?

• Move through successively more complex jobs – supporting self and others
• Getting Master’s Degree and other post grad qualifications
• Playing sport at reasonable (but perhaps not highest possible) level and becoming coach (but again with perhaps more to offer).
• Moving from relationships to marriage to long-term defacto relationships
• Having children and acquiring children
• Building wealth
• Getting fatter and having higher cholesterol and trying to manage this etc

Was/is this a good transition or bad (or maybe just in between) – of course this depends on your view points.

Some of these transitions will be dealt with in other later “chapters” in this story.

Youth to Adulthood – through the passenger window – New Year’s Morning 1977.

Not everyone has life changing events occur to them (and lives to tell the story). Some just have death. This boy was very, very lucky many would say. Sliding Doors – nothing in this story after this date may have occurred had this event turned out differently.

Picture this – car upside down in ditch at a place called Benger on South West Highway, next to rail line, ~10 metres short of large pond of water. Kid inside wakes up from unconsciousness (no idea how long – might have drowned perhaps). Laying on roof of the upside down car (seatbelt broke), hears running fuel in a hot car. Thinks this is a bad place to be and climbs, unaided, out through broken driver side window and up to road (about 3-4 metres above). Time is about sunrise (0600). Stands on side of road (wearing yellow tracksuit top – state team tracksuit) and looks around. Not much to see really. 10 minutes later dairy farmer picks this kid up, takes him home for shower and breakfast and then drives him to Bunbury Hospital for check up. Apparently the farmer was getting his cows ready for milking. Hears a noise, sees a cloud of dust but can’t see anything else but keeps looking occasionally. Can’t remember their names (poor form really) but their own son had been injured in a roll over accident – lost part of a hand.

Now let’s backtrack. How did this kid end up in the ditch? Basically went like this - parents away on holiday in Busselton. Kid training for soccer ahead of night series. Game on afternoon of New Year’s Eve. Drinks in club after game, onto pub, out to night club. Stopped drinking about 9.00pm. At night club with one of the other players – leave about 3.00am. Friend was intending to come but when we get to his place he pikes out (good job as it turns out). Drop him, go home, grab some clothes and small change (yeh I also had no money in those days) and start to drive south. Drive is generally about 3 -4 hours depending on speed and traffic (none at this time of morning).

Get tired – you know turn radio up, wind window down kind of stuff. Make it about 1 hour south of Kelmscott and pull over in a truck stop. Go to sleep (safe and sound). Wake up – no watch on therefore no idea how long I slept (could have been minutes for all I know). Start to head south again. One hour later – in ditch. It was pretty spectacular really. Anyone who has done the same and lived to tell the story might corroborate the general pattern of events.

Sleep – different noise – car has left road and drifted onto gravel (left), stupid driver wakes up (doing about 70 mph) and is “confronted” by white road marker, swerves to right (big mistake), careers across road – towards a 20+m drop off of right side of road into paddocks, swerves hard back to left, now heading diagonally left again towards drainage channel next to rail line, manages to straighten car momentarily (say 20-30 metres) before front left wheel dives off side of ditch. Car nosedives into channel, flips end on end and then rolls several more times before coming to a halt facing forward.

Elapsed distance from first impact (flipping onto roof) to final resting place for car only (thankfully) about 30-40 metres. Total distance from first contact with gravel to final resting place about 120-150 metres. How do we know this - back window in car popped out whole with rubbers and was found this far back from car.

Car was totaled. Pulled from ditch with Tractor – sold to scrap yard for $150 (four good but deflated tires and a working radio). Every other panel damaged. Front of roof actually touching where bottom of screen would normally be.

Driver injuries – small graze on top of head (contact with light fitting) resulting from failed seat belt. Small cut on hand (exiting car via window). Sore back.

People reported car to police – driver ultimately charged with careless driving (you don’t say) and lost 4 demerits and got fined a couple of hundred dollars.

Second life used up (first was near miss with girlfriend – another sliding door!!).