MEN are from PENIS, WOMEN are from VAGINA - Views on Fatherhood and Families (part 2)

Fatherhood – a strange concept with no training really (same for mothers but really much worse in my view)

Fathers have, no doubt at least in my experience, the easiest role in the birthing of a child and their subsequent parenting. There will undoubtedly be some exceptions but let’s work with the majority.

Being a father is actually quite a strange concept in reality – at least early on. Initially you are essentially completely redundant (in fact in many species by now you are long dead (praying mantis) or long gone. However, if you have any perseverance skills (ie – here after ejaculation) you will undoubtedly have a role to play. What it will be is subject to circumstance (a bit like the lottery) and a much grander order.

Being a parent is yet another equally foreign concept for many (you are not the dad/mum genealogically yet you are a “parent” by relationship)

Fatherhood in reality (actually it is unreal)

Baby Ashleigh comes home – remember this is a little baby girl with which her parents have no real experience like most other first time parents but unlike pretty much anything in their lives to date. Generally, the baby arrives at a time when you (as a couple) may actually be at your most selfish – this may not apply to older mums and dads who are actually pining (but no less inexperienced in the realities) for a child.

No baby comes with a manual or a money back guarantee. Therefore, the recipients are bringing a child home with absolutely no protections (legally) for the remainder of all related parties lives – no matter how beautiful, destructive/disruptive, headstrong they may be – or alternatively how dysfunctional the lives of the “adults” involved may be.

This obviously (not) is a wonderful foundation to a relationship which in today’s terms could last anywhere between 0-100 years.

Personal experience of Fatherhood

Despite being an “educated” type –it turns out I was/am a complete idiot (or so it seems) at fatherhood.

[An aside - I think WA/Australian society needs a rethink here. We ask prospective drivers to complete some training. This requirement, now proposed at least in WA (the nanny state) to be up to 120 hours driver training on the road which it is proposed is aimed at better road safety. This proposal if/when implemented is likely to have a duel/triple benefit. It should reduce adolescent (and other) road trauma/death as well as reducing unwanted births. It will also reduce marital cheating. Everyone will be way too busy driving around to be engaging in sex – call it love making if you prefer (sneaky)].

However, if we don’t change – the inevitable biological cycle here (ex driver training) we allow any horny girl/boy to bring a child into the world without any training/test (and by the way our social system supports them).

So let’s get beyond BIOLOGICAL.

Quite often serious relationships (and many not so serious relationships) between two people lead to significant others. So if you get into a relationship at anytime you could be a father/mother or indirectly a parent.

Now don’t let me paint this experience as completely negative. Children are actually great and they more often than not have a positive impact on females as well as, many relationships, but for me personally as I have said I could have gone without.

Notwithstanding this I became the father of 1 and the immediate parent of 2 (and in fact 3 if you count Paul). Both girls were beautiful (as all females are). Paul was for many years a “distant” child.

Ashleigh was dark and independent and has always been able to navigate like a GPRS. Georgia was fair and initially not so independent (indeed early in her life she needed instructions to get to the end of the drive). However, as time passed navigation became less of an issue. Children learn at different rates for different reasons. In the end, our family had one risk taker and one not risk taker.

The former (G) would try anything and crash and burn till she got it, the other (A) would try things, but not really, till she actually had mastered it (worked it out). Examples exist – one learnt to rollerblade and ride a bike by bruising her butt, the other never fell once (was nearly 6 before her dad took off the trainer wheels when one day she came and said Dad you can take them off and she never fell on her butt once).

Both had pretty much the same upbringing if you discount the first couple of years for G, but both are wonderfully different. Each is a fine young lady now (apparently – if you close your eyes/ears), but only time will tell how their lives turn out.

So what was my role as a father/parent in this great game of life - ie, their transition from babies to adolescent women (can you call them that)?

Provider, Mentor, Meany - I can’t tell really. All of the above would be my claim.

Am I a real father/parent I am not sure. Sometimes I have truly wondered. What does it take to be a real father/parent? Could I have been different(surely I could have but would I have been better). If I had not been here would it have actually made any difference – I don’t know?

Well I guess it is only your kids who can mark your scorecard as a father/parent (so here’s your chance). But remember – this is my Blog and I will keep blogging.